sleeping more to pass the time.

hoping this ends soon.

feels like i've been sucked through this worm hole , repeating itself again and again.

Today at work , this goth kid came in with her mom for passport photos. She had jet black hair , with stripes of pink , lots of eye liner , and a pasty looking face.I think she looked quite pretty tho she wasn't very happy when I asked her to tuck her hair behind her ears for the photos lol. Oh well :) but seeing her struck a cord.

I started asking myself - what happened to that lil goth kid in me?

There was a time, I would only wear black , wear tons of eye liner , black nail polish, hair dyed blazing red , acting all rebellious and stuff. Got myself a belly button piercing and even considered an eye brow piercing once.

And now , looking at my wardrobe I find lots of red , purple, white ... and very less black.  I still wear eye liner (which will always be my favorite) , but for some reason I don't look as rebellious as I used to be. I rarely use black nail polish (unless Im out of other colours) , I usually opt for brighter colours now :) and I'm less socially awkward . Also , I notice myself wearing more dresses, more skirts, more heels , and more prints ?  I'm still into all that emo jazz , anime, etc , but not as often as before. Don't get me wrong , I still have my emo moments , and I treasure those moments. They make me feel a lil , make me appreciate life a lil more.

Then I realised .. I barely noticed it .. It happened all so sudden .

That lil goth kid in me had ... grown up.

Always a part of me.

Just tot I'll share something from  yang's blog :)I think I'm happiest when I'm with people I love. Missing secret club badly . I just can't wait for us to reunite again. Finger's crossed, our next trip will be in Bali. xx

I'm not really sure what the future will be like (no one knows anyways) , but one thing that I do know is that I want to spend  the rest of this life with you. I realise how cheesy this sounds , but its the truth. You make everything worth while. All the hurt and "suffering" that I've been through that couple of years lead me here.

I love you for waking up early with me and dropping me off at the train station each day for work , even if your classes only start in the afternoon . I love you for making me , my occasional lunches and making sure I eat well. I love you for every lil thing that you do.

I'm truly happy. And I'm still very much in love with you , it hasn't changed since the first time we met

Reality?

Was suppose to work at Urgent pharmacy today but apparently the dates got mixed up and I ended up going home. Felt a lil lonely and phoned mom while waiting for the bus.

As I reached my stop , I couldn't help realise but how nice it was to walk at night. The cool breeze etc. An elderly gentleman was stopping at the same stop as me. We started walking towards our street and chatted for a bit before we parted ways. The first thing he asked me was my name, then what was I doing walking home alone at this hour, where are my parents  and if I'm alright. I must look really lost for him to notice me like that. lol.

Honestly, this was the first proper conversation I've had with another person face to face that's non work related and sincere this week. It didn't just feel like small talk , it felt a lil bit more than that. At the end of the conversation, he gave me a big hug :)  I guess this gave me more faith in humanity. For some reason , work has made me realize how apparent a dog-eat-dog world this is. And when I question it, the answer is always the same " ITS REALITY! GET OVER IT!".

Yeah , I definitely need a break next year.

Dear self,

You need to stop being so impatient, you need to learn when to let-go , and you need to learn how to de-stress. Sometimes you should have more faith in people and give them the benefit of doubt.

I know the real world right now is not what you think it should be , but hang in there . You have a few more months till then. Think of it as character building . It's true when they say - what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

You're blessed with such wonderful people around you. Treasure them before it's too late.