confessions of a banana

Quite frequently, I get asked . Are you Chinese ? Malay? and when I say that I'm Chinese , they get so confused . And when I ask why, I get bombarded with " but....*pause* ... you can't speak Chinese " PHAIL!! oh New Zealand, why are you making this hard for me !!??

Well, this is what happens when your parents never really thought things through. and never thought Chinese as being the main language. And so at home, we speak a mixture of Malay and English , with mom occasionally scolding us in Hakka . 

Maybe thats why I've always been known as the "confused soul ". Being Chinese to me, was always just my skin colour. but never reflecting who I was inside. As a result, (claimed by many ) , I scold in Malay, and I give advice in a very surprising "Indian accent " , which makes me ... Malaysian ? and so, maybe thats why I've got so few Chinese friends. LOL . most of them are "bananas" anyways =.= 

*bananas , a term used when you're yellow in the outside but "white" on the inside. annoying!

Mom and dad now realizing their "mistake" , made many attempts to send me and sis to Chinese classes , and speaking to us in Chinese. All I can say is . even the teachers gave up on us. I had one teacher that was so frustrated with me , that she basically said " You speak Chinese like a kwai-lou (white person) " but hey! that's why my parents are paying you miss grumpy ! 

I know . Some people say it's not too late to learn. Well, easy for them to say. You've been speaking Chinese all your life. Of course you get it! For me , Chinese is like ... a tongue twister. a mumbo-jumbo of words. Why can't Chinese be simple and not having those different sounds which mean different things. and oh .. did I tell you I was tone -deaf ? yeap, that's why I'm never gonna get Chinese. 

And to make matters worse, in New Zealand . They won't believe me when I say English is my first language. They go " NO.... NOOO.... English ..*points at me*.. second language" and they say it like I dont get English. or like I'm retarded. like seriously?? Tho I've got this "amazing" Malaysian accent , doesn't mean I can't speak English dimwit.. 

and in workshops and classes. I don't really contribute much. I'm not much of a speaker. and so. when you don't say anything. They assume you can't speak a word of English . So.. how do you think I do my exams..? I answer in Sanskrit??? Cambodian ??? Thai ???

In Malaysia , my KIND is known as OCBC (yeap after a famous bank, how nice ) . It stands for "orang cina bukan cina " .. translated as " chinese but not chinese" 

Lesson be learned ... in the future, I might as well teach my kids Chinese .