I guess weight was always a sensitive issue for me. I was always the fat kid in school. Looking back , criticism  after criticism did leave an emotional scar. But that got me motivated to do something about it, to shed the pounds at gym. I guess the last straw was when an ex started nicknaming my thighs "fatty mac-fat fat" and "fatty mac-flab-flab" and constantly going on and on about it when he knew I loved Mac Donalds. I didn't even think I was that heavy.

But ..

You know a guy really loves you when he doesn't talk about your weight and is constantly worried that you're not eating enough.

I love you long time babe :)

Memories never fade

Dunedin .

You're so full of memories.

I shall miss you.

Year 2007 - Health sci was a killer. I almost died from the cultural shock , missed home badly, and almost threw my dreams away. Made wonderful friends that left an impact in my life.

Year 2008 - Anatomy and physiology opened my eyes to the bigger picture. Found my "so-called-maturity", and moved on.

Year 2009 - Pharmacy was the "road less taken" . But I truly started loving it. lol for some reason, it felt like it was meant to be. This was the year filled with good drama :) It ended with bye-bye single-dome , my 9 cats and adopted /IVF baby. I guess this was the year where I found what my actual goals and priorities were.

Year 2010 - 3rd year Pharmacy slaughtered me alive. I remember complaining endlessly about the workload ,and me not being able to cope. But I was very blessed with strong support from family, besties , and bf. Also, this year tested my personal relationships on so many levels.

Year 2011 - 4th year Pharmacy wasn't as bad . My first year of long distance but I had heaps of fun and went with the flow. Countless sleep overs, baking adventures that went terribly wrong ( Yang you're still to blame), coffee-dates, and major tsunami drama. All in all , this year was the bomb . And I pledge my alliance to secret club as long as I live. haha . You guys have made this year so easy-breezy , that I sometimes forget I'm getting "older". lol.

Year 2012 - Be very afraid. hahaha !

Pharmacy Ball 2011

Our awesome electives group 2011

It's been a while since we've had a family trip. Looking forward to the next one :)

My subconscious

As I'm currently sitting for finals, it has finally hit me , that this will be my last uni exam ever !

In a few days , I wouldn't be worrying about "petty" uni issues, instead I'll be worrying about my new flat , my new working place , and sorting out my life .

Had this really weird dream a couple of days back . I dreamt that I was in my old primary school canteen, and was with all my ex-school mates ( weird enough , I remembered each and every face ) . We were all grown up ; in our old school prefect uniforms , and were talking about the future. I was talking to a few of them , and asked where they were going next year . And all of em answered "Wellington" ! One was gonna do law, the other was gonna look for a job. The dream ended when someone commented " Oi Jie Ning, dah kurus ah! " (Oi Jie Ning you lost so much weight!) . lol.

Yang said ".. maybe your subconscious is telling you that you're moving on to a new phase of your life , and it's your last year as a student (hence the dream taking place in a school). Also , most of your ex-school mates answers were actually your own , and that you're moving to Wellington .. "

Oh well.. I'm looking forward to my life in Welly . *fingers crossed , it'll be better than expected

Guilty pleasure

I have this sudden urge to get a new pair of killer heels . Must be the exam stress .

High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead. 
 ~Christopher Morley

Far from perfect

I'll learn to be patient,
I'll learn not to be proud and stay humble,
I'll learn to give without expecting anything in return,
I'll learn to be kind even in the darkest of times,
I'll learn to teach but never with harsh words,
instead I'll motivate, encourage and support,
I'll learn to to tell myself when to let go,
and lastly
I'll learn to forgive and not harbor any ill will.

I'm far from perfect. I find it tough ;especially to forgive, and being patient.  
I want to be able to reflect on my own life later on and be at ease to know at least I tried. 

Life is a stream,
On which we strew,
Petal by petal the flower of our heart,
The end lost in dream.

[Amy Lowell]

Someday

What if I said enough is enough?
I can't stay patient with you anymore.
I think it'll be better if we had distance.
Thank goodness I wont be here next year.

You frustrate me

Learning to let go was the hardest for me.

How could you be so selfish.

Growing up

I've been hibernating in the library for the past couple of weeks . It's my second home prior to exams. I guess studying alone makes me even more nervous :( and thats why i need my study buddies.

Things to do before I go to Wellington for good:

1. Convert my Msian driving license to a NZ one. 
2. Courier my "junk" to Welly. Gah! this feels like a hassle already. 
3. Arrange appointments with different real estate agencies , regarding my "future" home. 
4. Prepare myself for work. Both mentally and physically. *nervous
5. Budget .. budget.. budget .. !!

Hmmm.. 

I don't want to grow up. 

When growing up, meant having boobies :)

Marriage blues

It's kinda scary  that every now and then when I'm on facebook , my mini-feed is filled with friends getting engaged or getting married ! My initial reaction is always " oh sh**t , I'm getting old "

Then I start facebook stalking their soon-to-be-spouses hahaha ! But I shall keep those comments to myself :)(aduh jie ning, macamlah you bagus sgt ~)

But then again, I find it scary cause I've reached that age , where marriage is no longer a fairy-tale or a dress-up make believe. It's the reality that's lurking somewhere . Soon, my friends will be having a family of their own and spending less time with their social cliques. Gah! I cant imagine being called mummy ? I still feel like a kid myself =.= *cringe

As much as I like to fantasize about getting married , what dress to wear, who will be my bridesmaid , my "theme" for the wedding, I guess I'm still not ready . It's not the commitment that I'm worried about, it's the less personal space , less mingling with the divas , less "freedom" ?

Relaxing Friday

Electives is finally over ! I think our presentation went fairly well , although for some reason our group got bombarded with the toughest questions. lol. Thank goodness we bullshitted our way through. haha.

After the symposium, the girls and I decided to go to moana pool , to relax and just take a break from everything else. mmmm ~ hot pools are just so therapeutic. 

Had dinner and dessert at The Terrace :) Got home, had a long hot shower and had the best sleep ever.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Memories

There are days when I miss your company.
Missing our "adventurous" escapades at night ( by that I mean bar hopping, and tequilla),
Missing the sleepovers at Clyde st ,
The emo sessions we shared , talking about the future as we see it,
Arguing how my Mr.Right would look like ,
Those days have came and gone.

As for now,
We're both chasing our own dreams,
Living separate lives in different countries,
Memories will stay and not fade ,
Till we meet again my dear friend.

Miss you sam sam ! 

Wednesday

Today I :

• Received my "first-aid-kit" for exams from HIM  :) feeling the love~ Best day starter ever.
• Met up with my elective group , great bunch of girls :) finally, our project is coming to an end. Am looking forward to the symposium on Friday :)
• Shopped with yang. Yang being my "fashion guru". Imagine me trying out tons of clothes and she just sits there and "observe". I got a really cute black dress & a bikini bottom ! Think the fringe allows me to pull off certain clothes. hmm~ 
• Kicked ass at gym. Kicked too much ass actually (if there was such a thing) , till my bum and legs feel like  jelly . ughh.. 

Now :

• Studying for stupid finals =.= . Can't wait to celebrate and go crazy after! 

Dreams do come true

I dream of one day , living the life at my own pace,
Away from this hectic scene,
Doing what I love ,
and getting lost in my dreams.

I'll rediscover my old passion for art. Paint a thousand pictures and hang them on my wall.

I'll be relaxing on my hammock, sipping Chardonnay , enjoying the warm sun rays on my face.

I'll be travelling to Paris, Rome and Venice .

I'll be the doting mom , making cheese sandwiches and getting the kids ready for school.

I'll be my own boss at work , I set the deadlines , and no one to please.

A dream, remains a dream, unless .. I do something in reality.

Making wishes on stars, she's a dreamer and she knows it 

I miss you

Missing you already .

* and listening to Oleta Adams - Get here , is not helping either. sigh.