Me

The past 3 months have been good for me. It's hard to pay attention to yourself especially when youre in a relationship (not that its a bad thing) , but in the last 3 months I have been more aware of how I react to sticky situations , the good and the bad. I've realized being alone is not a biggie anymore. It would have scared me shitless years ago, I kid you NOT!  I would have been so lost..

But now I do enjoy being with myself. I occasionally pamper ME with my guilty pleasures aka massages, chocolate etc.

I've learned to give back to myself. To love and appreciate the body I have. If I feel like I'm going to my dark place , I quickly get my ass off the couch and start exercising. After that , I feel so much better. Good ol' endorphins :)

I concentrate on what my body wants , and entertaining my thoughts. I think I have some sense of dark humor. Nobody is going to treat me better, than myself. If I'm sad , who made you upset? Me . I allowed myself to be sad. Everything else are just external factors that I have to deal with, and my emotions follow.

Without him in the picture (for the time being), I've been thinking lots about our relationship. Not the kind of questions I ask myself on a daily basis. But more like serious shit (the aches and pains of growing up ughh!), am I ready to get married? Or is it just the notion because everyone else is ? or the occasional pressure of your family and friends expecting you to? Am I ready to be somebody's wife? Is he even ready to be my husband? Is this relationship able to stand the test of time? How do I safe proof this relationship? Then again, as I ponder .. and talk to myself .. there is no answer. Most people don't know the answer. You just jump into it , and see what happens.

I have set goals for myself. Goals that I will follow through. Happiness caused by other people is just temporary, but happiness within is permanent. I believe I have come so far from that many years ago (being naive , and no good common sense) , I owe myself a chance to be truly happy.

I am changing my perspective of this world one step at a time..