I have always struggled with my weight. I have that mentality where if you aint taking care of your health or you fitness , how can you take care of other people? I'm not sure how I got that idea drilled in my head. But it is pretty stressful thinking about it.

Some nights I go to bed thinking if I've worked out enough. I'm trying my hardest to work out 5 times a week. The least 4 times a week but never less than that. Cut down lots on carbs except for the weekend (controlled portions) , eating out is limited to once or twice a week so I can keep track of what I eat. Clean eating is soooooo hard sometimes.

My sis is a huge body pump fan , she's super fit ! and I compare myself sometimes with her. We have the same height , but different body shape. She's more athletic looking , and I think I'm more slender looking (if I work out really hard .lol ). She's my motivation to keep going :)

When I'm not exercising ,I get anxious . frustrated. annoyed. angry . the whole she-bang !

Recently , I let myself fall into temptation. Tim and I were in Auckland, and we were staying with this really amazing family. Tina (the mummy of the house) , fed us with biscuits , beer, chips and dip ! my biggest downfall was the chips and sour cream dip.yum yum yum !!! I almost ate the whole bowl! so deprived... and I felt so guilty afterwards. sigh :(

okay. so the goal is to look more toned. lose another 4 to 5 kgs and I think I'll be sweet. maannn ... this weight loss journey is a killer.

the good news is , I lost all that weight I gained during my stressful internship year.a whooping 10kgs :) I'm at my lowest in all 26 years of my life. getting there . slowly